Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Perspective

Today marks an important day in my life. Come to think of it, every day marks an important day in my life. And I have wasted too many of them.

Today is my birthday. While I am grateful for another year of health and happiness, and more than happy to celebrate with things like eating out and presents and happy birthday songs and phone calls from relatives; something feels like it is missing this year. To be quite honest, it's been missing for several years, but this year seems more obvious.

The missing piece is actually a she, not an it. She is Jael. She is my firstborn. She is the catalyst in my life for growing closer to God.

She is missing because she was only with us for a short time. Her life was spent as 8 months in my womb and then two hours in our arms. Her short life was more impactful and far-reaching than I would have ever thought possible, and I don't think God is done with the impact of her life just yet.

I pray that He never will be. Not because I want her to be remembered, but because I want Him to be glorified. In every thing. In every one. In every minute. In every hour. Much change can happen in two hours. I know. I have been changed in two hours. Forever.

I have been given many opportunities to tell her story. I will never tire of it. His story through her story is the most important story I have to tell. I cannot and will not tire of that.

So, today I am not filled with regret of use of my past time, but filled with perspective on how to spend the rest of my time. I don't know how many hours, days, or years I will have here. I do know how I want to spend those hours, days, or years. Telling her story. Telling His story. Allowing Him to use my life. However. Whenever. Wherever.

I am starting that process now. He has been nudging me to do this, and I am finally going to do it. Over the next week I am working on writing out my testimony. Every detail I can remember. Every detail I feel God poking and prodding me to tell. Every detail that gives Him glory.

I hope to post them here and then eventually to start a new blog. A new place where anyone with a testimony similar to mine can feel hope, healing, and comfort. A place where together we can live out 2 Corinthians 1:3-5. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

Join me HERE to laugh, cry, and most of all glorify Him. Join me THERE to laugh, cry, and most of all glorify Him. Join me in prayer for His desire in her story and invite those to join us in this journey who need to hear His story today. May He be glorified!

3 comments:

Heather said...

Beautifully written, can't wait to see how He is going to use Jael and your story for His glory. I know He already has, but I know He has more in store also. I'm proud of you!
H

what a sappy day of blog comments in our family today, huh?!

Hope said...

Heather-
Well, thanks for all the support you have given us over the years. Sometimes I wonder if you have cried more tears than I, seeing as how you do have the gift of mercy and all. You really have helped me through many days just by allowing me to talk about her! Thanks a bunch.

By the way, Sappy? Who you calling Sappy? Just kidding. Yep, we're a sappy clan. Good thing Mom and Dad don't have a computer, that would be sappy at its sappiest!

Matthew said...

You did it. Great job. I am also very proud of you. Thank you for doing this and thank you for all the help you provided for me through my experience. God has used you more than you will ever know and I will never be able to express in words how much I appreciate you and your testimony. Jael's life may not be spent here on earth but her life will glorify God here on earth. Thank you.