I have a dear bloggy friend named Tyler. Over on her blog, Titus 2:3-5, she is hosting "The God Chronicles." On the 20th of every month, she will be posting a story about the ways she has seen God at work in her life.
I started blogging last year because I wanted to document life for my kids. It has mostly been funny mommy stories and ideas about motherhood and organizing and budgeting and cleaning, etc. While those things are wonderful to share and learn about, I have begun to desire something else for my children. I want to leave a spiritual journal for them. That's why when I read about Tyler's "The God Chronicles", I knew I wanted to participate. So, here it is, the very first story ...
There are times in life when you pray and pray and pray and seek God, yet the direction you are to take still doesn't seem obvious. So you make a decision and go for it, and you still don't know if you made the right decision. This is not one of those times. This is one of those hit-me-in-the-face-and-knock-me-on-my-you-know-what really obvious times, and it doesn't make a lick of sense. I love those.
This is a story about surrender and stepping out of my comfort zone.
God has given me a passion for women's ministry and I have really been wanting to pour myself into beginning one here at our new church. However, my husband is passionate about media ministry. We moved here for him to become the Video Producer at the church. I really want us to be a ministry team, but oh how I love women's ministry and I have such great ideas that I think God has given me, and the women here really need it and have asked for it, and everyone sort of expects me to do it, and I think God gives us passions for a reason, etc... On and on my dreams and excuses go.
My husband thinks I would be great at making videos. Huh? I barely figured out how to blog, much less make videos! Doesn't that require some kind of technical mind? I really don't think I'm all that creative either. (Does anyone ever think they are creative?)
So, that's been the dilemma. I kept asking God why He gave me a passion for women's ministry if I wasn't supposed to use it. My husband and I sat down one night to talk about it and he just said, "It's obvious what you should do." Again, huh? "You can do both. Why can't you use your passion for women's discipleship to make videos. Why does it have to be separate?"
Well, it did kind of make sense. Except for the part that I do not have a technical mind. I don't feel creative. I don't really want to make videos. I. I. I.
This is where my heart and prayers began to change. Didn't God create me to be a help meet for my husband? Is this what my husband desires? Can God make me more technical-make me smarter than I am? Isn't God the ultimate Creator? Doesn't all creativity come from Him? Doesn't God know what I am capable of even more than I do? Doesn't God know what I would enjoy doing even more than I know?
With a total knot in the pit of my stomach, I realized that my priority needed to be helping my husband and I can use my passion as part of that. So, I decided to surrender my desire to do women's ministry and step out of my comfort zone to learn how to make videos. I've given up my "me time" to blog and read. I have decided to start using the girls' nap time and after they are in bed to do some tutorials and start the learning process.
My husband has a computer in the basement with all the software for editing. (He uses this when he works from home.) I kept thinking in my head about how difficult it was going to be to do all my work downstairs and still keep an eye on the girls. I didn't feel comfortable being downstairs while they were all upstairs. (Our house is a ranch). We were talking about how we really could use a laptop to edit with so that we could both work at the same time and so that I could work upstairs. We were dreaming pretty much because we knew we wouldn't be able to afford it for a long time. I began to question whether I was making a big mistake. Maybe I should do women's ministry. I don't see how this is really going to work after all.
This was a couple of weeks ago on a Saturday.
The next day at church, one of the volunteers asked my husband if he would come over to his house on Monday. My husband, being the "I don't really need details" kind of guy just said "sure, what time?" So, he planned to go over there and had no idea why. I was wondering why in the world this guy was inviting him over. I just thought maybe he needed help with a video or moving something because I am an, "I need details" kind of girl!
My husband went over there at 4:00. He walked in our door at 4:30 with a Dell box in his hands. Inside was a laptop for editing. Given to us. I'm not kidding.
Once I pulled my chin off the floor, I believe I might have danced around the room in delight. Might have. I'm even more convinced that I made the right decision now. I love when God does things like that, even when you have no earthly idea why! I can't wait to see why in the world He wants me making videos, but it is obvious that He does! I've only gotten a few lessons in, but I'm getting into a daily "work" routine and hoping to get through the tutorial by the end of this month. God has already give me a few ideas for videos from my Bible Study, so I'm excited to get writing on them too.
God knows what I am capable of more than I do. He knows how He created me and why He created me that way. He can enable me to do anything. He can even teach me how to make videos. He can use videos to reach women. He. He. He. See how a little surrender changes your perspective?
Want to read more of "The God Chronicles", click here to go to Tyler's blog! Want to join in, go here to learn more about "The God Chronicles."